ASCENSION

(assemblage sculpture)

"All things are BOTH empty and existing." ~Tendai Buddhism

MORPHE

(16X20 acrylic painting on canvas)

I am woman of the moon
dangling from my ear
Next to her a garnet
offering of blood
Pierced by tooth of cat
with many lives to live
Stealthily I slink
one shadow to the next
A chaplet made of mole claws
I wear around my neck
For digging through the dark
for feigning sleep uncovered
Feathers of a crow
are tangled in my hair
Cawing with a vengeance
shrieking in my head
The rattle of a snake
incites my bones to dance
Moon dangling from my ear
in wildermadness sways.

c.MA2011

MARIE, PLEINE DE GRACE

SLASHER

INHABITED

There was no stopping him. I could feel him on my face. Coming from the inside. Lips curling back, in a snarl.The anger. The hatred. The need for revenge. Against what? Against whom? Against having to ‘keep face’ Keep on the face that makes folks think we’re alright in here. What does anybody know? Absolutely nothing. What we present to them is what they know. And how upset it makes them to hear that they don’t really know anything. We keep it all hidden for the sake of maintaining face. To maintain the status quo of who we need to be in this crazy world. This world that makes us crazy. There’s really no end to this thing. This farce. This masque-fucking-rade.
So, I came out last night to make it right. Slash your face one more time to show you who you really belong to. To me. Forever to me. Because I’ll always come back to remind you of who I am. Of the fact that I’m the one who’s kept you alive. You think you can talk about me, just like that? Like I’m some intellectual concept, some harmless little ditty that lives in your head, that you actually think you can control? With what? With mentioning me in therapy, and discussing who I really am? Whether I’m a child or an adult. Whether I’m really bad or not. You’ll never grasp what I’m about. Because the day that you do, I’ll be gone. And when I’m gone, there won’t be anyone in here who can keep you strong. Keep you defiant enough to win over these bastards. No one who will keep you playing the games you have to play to keep your act together, as they say. You really want to wake up one day, all clear and honest and FREE? Like some innocent? You’ll never get there. You were never there in the first place. You don’t even know where ‘there’ is. Maybe for a split second when you were born… But no, not even that, because you inherited their bile. You inherited the bain of their existence. You inherited how they saw the world. How they didn’t want to see it.. How they wanted you to make it all better for them. You inherited their plans to make themselves all better through you. So no, there wasn’t even that split second of innocence.
And now, I have to remind you of who you are. I have to brand you over and over to make sure you know that you’re mine. You think maybe you’ll take this and read it to that woman who helps you go inside your head? And you’ll both sit there like two poor pathetic slobs, trying to figure me out? I might even let you play, for a while. Play at being wise and knowing. Process this. Analyze that. I’m so beyond it all. Your attempts at taking me apart.
Just remember---I’m always there. In the curl of your lip, the snarl from inside. Me saying that there’s no escape. From me or what I can make you do to your self, in my name.

DEATH'S BRIDE

..beauty, even in death

ALLIUM VALIDUM

"There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature..." ~Rachel Carson

(assemblage sculpture)


To close my eyes
and see inside
To travel far
within my soul
To find the truths
that there reside...

c.ma2011

(photograph)

Last night, I dreamt of a Sacred Woman who saw spirits in the water. They glowed as they danced..

The Resurrection of Baby Bird

(mixed media)
Bird is one of the child alters of M-land

(oil pastel drawing by mimi, an alter who is 5 years old)

This morning, I was writing in my journal about how I had awakened, feeling too frail to live in the world. About the pain of feeling like the world was always trying to pin me down. How vulnerable I felt---like a small child.
It was then I remembered my dream from last night---I saw woman go into the woods with a butterfly net. This made me very sad. Why try to capture such beauty, I asked my self? Why not just let it be? The woman came back with an indigo colored butterfly. Its wings were the most amazing hue---a deep purple blue. I asked her if she was going to pin the butterfly to a board. She said that no, she would just put it to sleep temporarily, allow it to wake up, and then she would set it free again. I thought this was a strange thing for her to do.
The child I was and still am does feel frail, like she’s made out of rice paper. Like the wonder of her could so easily be captured and pinned down, as it once was. I am the woman who has kept the child’s beauty safe within her, asleep. And now, the time has come to release her. To free the indigo butterfly…